Consumer Reports was a ten part series of humorous articles appearing in the 1972-73 WHS Lantern. Alas, the first, fourth and tenth and final report have gone missing.
For posterity and your enjoyment I post the surviving articles.
Part three in a growing report of consumer hazards.
Hello America, I'm Mike Gilroy and today I'd like to review your dog's din-din.
Fact: 83% of all dogs eat din-din the rest eat "come and get it".
The dog food business in America is a huge industry not only serving the needs of dogs but sometimes those of cats, hamsters and the straining family budget.
Fact: 99% of those straining family budgets do not strain for long as dog food seems to provide fantastic initiative.
Just what is your dog eating when you feed him din-din? For those of you buying him the run of the mill cheap variety he may be eating a bowl of soggy cereal that has been covered with a brown mold for coloring. If it says meat by-products on it you can be feeding your poochie hoofs, crushed bones and scraps of hide.
Fact: 32% of all discarded leather boots end up in your dog's stomach.
One must take great care in feeding one's dog the right food and the right amount of food. A canine must have an all meat meal with an occasional chew biscuit and a slice of Roquefort cheese. Your dog will appreciate the hearty meal of pure meat and enjoy the change of pace the cheese will bring.
The amount of food is also an important factor. A hungry dog may turn on a small child for meat.
Fact: 2% of all dog bites come from a starved dog, the rest from a certain jewish dog that is said to be rabbi.
But on the same token you must not over stuff your dog as he is not a Thanksgiving turkey.
Be kind to your pet and feed him a good meal or else pray that your dog cannot find his way to the local humane society.
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